Being Based Relating
Applying the higher-consciousness of mindfulness in daily relationships
Excerpt from the White Paper: This stage of orienting to intimate relationships informed by self-actualization marks an emergence of a “jump” or “shift” in the overall consciousness, and awareness of orienting around a deeper “why” we are drawn to intimate relationships. Sex, love, and relationship from this stage forward is, increasingly, much more intentional, less habitual. Such shared intention can result in more spontaneous joy; and when in distress, being more resourced and resilient.
Although at this stage we know ourselves to be beyond previous stages, we do not look down upon them and do not even want to, for we are choosing increasing witnessing and intimacy with all our attributes, however dark or immature or unappealing. We recognize that all the qualities that characterize earlier stages of relational intimacy are, to whatever degree, part of us. We cultivate radical acceptance of ourselves, the most potent catalyst to allow for change and growth.
We see we are growing beyond the, “What’s in it for me,” drives, we long for more unification; and we become quite interested in what’s good for our partner, and for the relationship. A higher aspect of intimacy not bound by behavior or role-playing reveals itself. And, increasingly freed from the energy draining and consuming aspects of unexamined behavior and role-playing; the innate life giving energies of sexual-love can flourish.
We are “getting” we are not our attachment-styles, unconscious behaviors, nor even our personalities. Accessing a more authentic Being-based sense-of-self, whether through consciousness work or spiritual work becomes part of our world-view. The journey of Awakening, and our relationship to a larger coherent field of consciousness all begin to matter.
Subtle ongoing and positive influences on our day-to-day sense-of-self increasingly arise without effort. For example, the common orientations of desires to be loved and understood shift and update to developing highly functional synergies of experiential alignment and resonance. Sure, love and understanding are still there, but they are included and transcended as the synergies that result from what each partners consciousness’ are contributing to creating a sum that is much greater than their parts as individuals. We see with gratitude and appreciation that safety-and-security and transactional relationships cannot hold a candle to this emerging dynamic. This synergy reveals itself as healthier biology, higher innate intelligence, increased access to grounded useful intuition, and a profound well-being and peace that is sourced from within. As these psychic, subtle, and causal energies continue to arise organically, the recognition of the relationship as a health and consciousness generative engine whose output far exceeds what the individuals bring separately, is, once seen and experienced, “a multi-dimensional pearl beyond any price.” What is even more remarkable, once these energies are activated and stabilized, even if the relationship transitions or ends, these energies once awoken and stabilized, are not dependent on the continuity of the relationship. In other words through intimate relationships at this stage of self-actualization and beyond, there is a potential for psycho-spiritual transformation that is otherwise not so available, if perhaps not available at all. Hence the old saying that, “relationships can make us better people,” this clearly begins to take on a whole new context that shifts from the traditional to the transcendent.
Partnering at this stage is driven to connect Being-to-Being, to share Presence. Intimacy can thrive supported by personal responsibility. Intimacy increasingly becomes a tool to support the Awakening of consciousness that includes and transcends an egoic sense of self. Non-monogamous urges, when they show-up, simply matter as truth. There is simply no interest in withholding information. Betrayal has all but ceased to exist; the motivations to withhold, so common at previous stages, holds little or no attention. Far and away from agreements or virtues, what matters is alignment with reality – a core tenet in the science of Awakening. Truth, trust, and transparency are not held as values, they are what hold our attention and what interests us.
Long term unions here are powerful and life-changing as both increased sexual capacity and higher-levels of consciousness and heartfelt love are awoken and stabilized. The “connection” between sexuality and spirituality adds lasting vitality and aliveness to the experience of sex and love.
If lasting relationship upset does occur, maintaining mutual regard and mutual respect are big priorities. Consciously “de-coupling” with a huge emphasis on compassion (without care-taking) can be a natural choice and a place of shared power and care.