Being Based Relating

Being-Based Relating: “The
Four Stages of Intimate Relationships”

Excerpt from the White Paper: This stage marks an emergence of a “jump” or “shift” in the overall consciousness, and awareness of orienting around “why” we are drawn to sexual-love. Sex, love, and relationship from this stage forward is, increasingly, much more intentional, less habitual. Such shared intention can result in more spontaneous joy; and when in distress, being more resourced and resilient.

Although at this stage we know ourselves to be beyond previous stages, we do not look down upon them and do not even want to, for we are choosing increasing witnessing and intimacy with all our attributes, however dark or immature or unappealing. We recognize that all the qualities that characterize earlier stages of relational intimacy are, to whatever degree, part of us. We cultivate radical acceptance of ourselves, the most potent catalyst to allow for change and growth..

We are “getting” we are not our attachment-styles, unconscious behaviors, nor even our personalities. Accessing a more authentic Being-based sense-of-self, whether through consciousness work or spiritual work becomes part of our world-view. The journey of awakening, and our relationship to a larger coherent field of spiritual reality all begin to matter. Subtle ongoing and positive influences on our day-to-day sense-of-self increasingly arise without effort.

We see we are growing beyond the, “What’s in it for me,” drives, we long for more unification; and we become quite interested in what’s good for our partner, and for the relationship. A higher aspect of intimacy not bound by behavior or role-playing reveals itself. And, increasingly freed from the energy consuming aspects of behavior and role-playing; the innate life giving energies of sexual-love can flourish.

Partnering at this stage is driven to connect Being-to-Being, to share Presence. Intimacy can thrive supported by personal responsibility. Sexual-love increasingly becomes a tool to support awakening. Non-monogamous urges, when they show-up, simply matter as truth. There is simply no interest in withholding information. Betrayal has all but ceased to exist; the motivations to withhold, so common at previous stages, holds little or no attention. Far and away from agreements or virtues, what matters is alignment with reality. Truth, trust, and transparency are not held as values, they are what hold our attention and what interests us.

Long term unions here are powerful and life-changing as both increased sexual capacity and higher-levels of consciousness and heartfelt love are awoken and stabilized. The “connection” between sexuality and spirituality adds lasting vitality and aliveness to the experience of sex and love.

If lasting relationship upset does occur, maintaining mutual regard and mutual respect are big priorities. Consciously “de-coupling” with a huge emphasis on compassion (without care-taking) can be a natural choice and a place of shared power and care.